Today I decided to kick myself on the butt. I need to do some studying & get this darn diploma finished. Target to complete is end of April 2007. I can study at work at least then I will not be bored out of my skull hell it will even look like I am busy *evil grin*.

My popularity rating hit the floor today as I forgot my nieces birthday she turned 3 yesterday. I hope my sister can forgive me….


So far Vincent is still on track with his home schooling. Last night his dad had to help his with his maths as it beyond me. So far he is keeping a 60% mark for all his activities, I am proud of these marks as he has not done maths since grade 8.


Last night we convinced Keira to fall asleep in her own bed, she was not happy about it but eventually fell asleep. I have no idea when she crawled into bed with us cus when the alarm went off she was fast asleep between us.

I so chuffed Vincent & I are using google chat when he has problems with his school work he buzzes me & I can go through it with him as I have a copy of all his lessons on my laptop. Hehehe the joys of modern technology.

I contacted the children’s home from where we wish to get our baby to let them know that we have decided to adopt a girl. DH & I are still negotiating on her name. We have agreed that her second name will be Stephanie named after him as he is Stephen…. I think that’s so cute that he wants our daughter to have his name. As to her first name he wants Lucy & like Cassandra (Casey for short, will even accept Sandy for short)…. He is a stubborn man but then I am also stubborn. We had the same problem when we wanted to name Keira. We agreed on her second name but not on the first. I vetoed all his scary names & named her. She is Keira Zuri Buhle(her zulu name given by her birth mother)) Now the really strange thing is that both Zuri & Buhle mean beautiful. We has choosen her names well before we even knew she was ours. Must be a sign that she is supposed to be ours.


Oh well let me get some work done.

For some unknown reason I am very depressed. I have no real clue what is the cause of it. It could be that I am thinking about my lost babies & missing them; it could be that I am stressing that VJ will not stay focused on his studies, & in the end I will be judged again by the ex- in-laws as failing as a mother. Or could it be that I am bored stiff at work. Sure I get a good salary each month for sitting here & doing nothing 90% of the time.

VJ being my first born has always had a special piece of my heart. He has seen so many things that I wish I could have protected him from. There were so many times that he tried to protect his brother & me from the ex-H. No child should have to go through that. This is why I am so grateful that Daniel was to young to really remember what went on before my current DH.

VJ has made some really bad choices in his life & I hope that he has learned from his mistakes. He is now a dad to a beautiful little boy & has to see that he has to make a success of his life to be a successful dad. He sees his son & we do pay the baby’s maintenance. He & the baby’s mother are no longer together but seem to have a respectable relationship & both love their son dearly. I am grateful that he gets to see his son as many young guys in the same situation do not have this privilege.

Vj is now being home schooled (this is our last resort to getting him to complete his schooling) which is not very easy as I am still working. My contract has been extended to the end of July 2007. I set up the work he has to do each day & when I get home from work we sit together to check it. During the day if he has problems with a subject he gives me a call & I tutor him online. For now it is working but only time will tell. If I see it not working I will resign to be home to help him.

Daniel seems to be doing ok, but with him you are never really sure as he is the quiet one & the one who has give me the least problems. He went through a period last year where he was skipping school I later found out that he was being bullied & had to sort the school out.

I am sure tomorrow will be better.

Last year July (the middle of winter)I had a mother at my gate with a new born baby asking for help. Baby only had a diaper on & wrapped up in a blanket she was yelling her little heard off the mother refused to feed her. The mother said the boyfriend had burnt all the babies clothes & refused to let her in the house with it as he did not believe it was his. I sent Dh out to get formula & Diapers & bottles. Luckily I still had some baby cloths in my cupboard. The mother said she would be back the following day but she never returned. We named the baby Angela Kayleigh, I had the honour to be her mommy for a month. Because of my past experience with Child Welfare I refused to let her go into the system as I do not believe the system actually works in the best interest of the child. According to law we could not keep her for more than 14 days without the correct documents. We did everything in our power to trace the mother but is turned out she was an illigal alien & had vanished. After a month we knew that we would be in trouble with the law if we keft her any long.We found another place of safety to place her in. She was transferred to a wonderful home. It was heart breaking leaving her but we knew where she was & that she was loved & well looked after. We saw her every weekend & had hoped she would come home to us. www.tlc.org.za This was not to be as Child Welfare became involved & that was the end of our chances. When Angela was 4 months old she was Adopted & is now living somewhere in Denmark with her forever family. I know she is loved, wanted & will have a wonderful future. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Angela will have a wonderful life & maybe one day she will come home to visit South Africa. The best part about this is that she is out of the system she has a future unlike so many other children. She will always be my Angel.

Keira’s adoption was rather easy. We contacted our social worker to let her know we wanted to adopt. She in turn put the word out. It was a huge surprise 2 months after we had bee approved as adoptive parents to get a call. “hi we have a baby girl available she is 4 months old, but there is a problem…..(this is were my heart sunk to the floor in a split second)…… her mother does not have any identity documents so you will have to apply to the courts to dispense of her rights are you interested” of cause the answer was yes…..Two weeks later we went to meet the little one…. We met her on the Thursday & it was love at first sight…she was the cutest little angel on this earth there was no doubt that we wanted her to be OUR baby girl. The social worker in Durban went to court on Friday morning & by Friday night after an 8 hour drive Keira was home to meet her brothers. The actual adoption only took place a year later as we had to find a copy of Keira’s dad’s death certificate ( he was murdered), we also had to prove that we had done everything in our power to find Keira’s birth mother. Anyway she is now 2 years & a bit & is spoilt rotten by her dad & brothers.

Things have been rather hectic. My eldest is now being home schooled as this is our final option to get him to complete his schooling. I wish young people of today would know how important schooling is.
I spent most of the day printing out his first terms work & working out the full terms study plan. He has a hell of a lot of work to complete in a very short time period. Hope he works his butt off.
With regards to our up coming adoption we have decided to adopt a little girl. DH & I are still having discussions with regards to her name.