We all know the saying "stick & stones will break my bones but words will never harm me"

What a lot of BS. Words hurt a hell of a lot. Today I happened to be at the recieving end of things said out of anger & boy these words have burnt a HUGE hole in my heart.

Now I know why they were said & I understand the anger behind them as it was something you did not want to have broadcasted in open forum but I refuse to accept the way they were said/ typed etc....as I still have the fear...

I noticed that you removed your post but the damage/hurt was already done.

Did you achieve hurting me yes you did, will I push you away because of this never.

Why you ask? Well its simple I love you & that is why I will hang on even harder.

I am not sure what is being said about the situation or about me but honestly I do not care. All I know is I love you & nothing will change that.

I blog not to earn noddy points with anyone but rather to get my feeling out.

I am stepping back & letting you do whatever it is you want or need to do. I will not try influence you in any way. Its your life, live it.

Just know I will be here when you decide that you might need me I do this cus I love you.

Currently my life has been full of ups & downs. I guess that is why it is called life.

I have this fear that I will end up with another grandchild, please do not get my wrong I love my grandbaby with every fibre of my being, but honestly I could not afford another one. The question to answer, if you found out that your son & his GF were/are doing the nastey would you inform her parents as this could impact all your lives should a child arise from there little escapades. You see last time I knew about my son having sex I said nothing & now have a grandchild for my silence.

I try & see things from the other side what if it was my daughter would I want to know?... My answer is yes at least then I could make sure she was fully aware of all the responsibilities surrounding having sex at the age of 16. then comes the other thing if I inform the GF's parent my son will hate me even more than he already does. Yeah so where does that leave me... thats right between a rock & a hard place. The joys of motherhood.

Hi all not much to report, we went to a friends last night had a braai (barbaque). It was really great we had lost touch with this firend due to various reasons but looks like things are getting back on track with him. I got to spend some time in the jacuzzi & it orted out a few cinks I had in my back.

Today I have doing all Steffy's meals for the week, washing curtains & helping Daniel spring clean his bedroom this was not easy feet as it was originally Vj's room all I can say is I found some very interesting goodies in it; a lot of things a mother should not really see. What this did was open my eyes to who my son is & not who I believed him to be.

hope you all had a great weekend.

Vj called his brother yesterday to let him know that he would be coming home to pick up his PC & the rest of his stuff.

Anyway I left a message at home asking him to call me when he got there. Daniel stayed of school expecially to see his brother. Vj got to the house collected his things & left again with out calling me. My heart is shattered .... How to I make this child see he is making a mistake & how to i make him see how this impacts on the rest of the family. Yes I am heart broken but i can sort of understand what is going on, but how do u explain it to a 2 1/2 year old?

R asked me the other day if I think VJ will come home. I can honestly say I doubt it. He is way to stuborn to admit he has made a mistake. The sad thing is I have no idea when he will see his son again as his aunt keeps insisting that he wants nothing to do with the baby. When I try speak to him about it he is very short with me & changes the subject or is down right rude to me.

I hate the fact that he seems to be able to make time to see his girlfriend.

I suggested that should he want to come home over the weekends he can get dropped off at his dads work on the friday afternoon & picked up again on the Monday morning, but he has shot this idea down. Without giving me a clear reason why it is not acceptable to him. The only thing I can conclude is that he does not want to come home even for a weekend where he would have access to his son.

Last night we were at frineds of ours but I was not comfortable with all the strange ppl so I asked DH to bring me home. I must admit since VJ has not been around I have not felt like socializing at all.

Any how DH went back as he knows that when his frined has had to much to drink he gets violent & starts fighting with his brother next door. Up until now DH has been able to control his friend (C)but last night it did not work. C decided he did not like what DH had to say and assaulted him.

I am so angry as DH has done so much to help C & his family. When C was unemployeed DH helped him out financially. We bought them groceries & even bought his daughter school shoes. When C lost his car because he could not keep up the payments Dh told him he could usse our second car until things sorted them selves out. Dh also repaired his Pc's.

Yes C did do odd jobs around the house as DH is not handyman material.

This morning Dh went to C's house to see if he had something to say for himself & to drop off the computers he had repaired. C had nothing to say for himself. He tried to had Dh the cars keys but Dh being the person he is told him to keep using the car as there was no other way for C to get to work.

I must admit DH is a much better person than me as I would has taken the keys & told C where to get off not to mention open a case of assault up against him.

I feel awful that i wa not there to protect DH.